In my usual headlong and heedless fashion, I've managed to convey an impression far from what I was feeling. Yesterday's post was all about how I was in a difficult position - and looking back, I am appalled and ashamed that that was the thought uppermost in my mind.
The true reason for my immense disquiet was actually a deep sense of sadness. A person I cared about was in a rough position, but I was not in a position to help. The reasons for this are multiple and highly complex - but the fact remains that I AM SAD.
I also feel sad for the other people involved, and for the deep trauma they are undergoing or going to undergo. I see a relationship that has broken down, and a lack of clarity and maturity to fix it. I am afraid of the consequences if irrevocable steps are taken and lives are damaged as a result.
Like I said before, life has never been a cakewalk for me - but I've managed to stay positive most of the time. When this hit me out of the blue, I confess I was really upset and I did NOT handle it well. To the person who confided in me, my last post would have given the impression of resentment. I am profoundly sorry about that - there is no resentment AT ALL. Please forgive me.
I wish I had the answers; hell, sometimes knowing the right questions would be a start. My only recourse now is to pray very hard that people who have lost each other find ways to be together again.
God, you'd better be listening. You freakin' owe me.
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