I am SO Gloomy. And I needed a vent. Here it is. (Don't Read)

I am absolutely terrified these days. For a number of reasons, chiefly of which, I feel that my life is going nowhere.


I don't want to be a housewife or homemaker, whatever the politically correct term is these days. I have been a given a taste of it in the last one year and I. Hate. It.

I hate the cleaning and dusting and washing and cooking. Why? Not because it's hard, but because it's all my responsibility. I live alone and I do all of the above, while still trying to establish a fledgling writing career. A career, I might add I am wholly untrained for - therefore I spend most of my time fretting about it.

I don't want a husband or children right now; I need to be focussed on my career and me. Because that responsibility scares me. No wait, it terrifies me. I don't know how ready for responsibility my boyfriend is, and whether I will have to shoulder all the burden by myself.

It's the stereotype we girls are expected to fall into - it's not me. It never was. And it scares me that I feel like I will lose my relationship if I choose to do what is good for me, because I don't know how far I am going to get that support.

The Beginning of the Weight Loss Journey

I had to get in a post today about the attempt to lose weight, considering I was raving and ranting yesterday (to Akshay) about the disaster that is my overweight body.


I have a tiny bone structure, and although I am (ahem) liberally endowed, I would be a tiny little midget if I got down to my ideal weight. Which is a real bummer because now that my boyfriend is a strapping 6-foot, muscle-bound individual, he would be able to pick me up whenever the fancy strikes him. Which is all the time.

(Just to be absolutely clear, in a very loving, caring, can-you-please-shut-up-now-Karishma sort of way.)

So today I put my first foot forward in attempting to go on a healthy regime of diet and exercise. So far? Success.

(No, don't clap. Please. Oh alright.)

I had:
  1. Small bowl of branflakes and toned milk after returning from the gym
  2. Handful of Kurkure DesiBeats and glass of unsweetened orange juice
  3. Two parathas, dal and lots of yogurt
Might have dinner of fried fish, dal and parathas, since I am making that for the boyfriend. (I know, lucky isn't he? So I keep telling him.)

So far, so good.

Project Thin Karishma

When getting ready to go out today, I was pretty disgusted to see that in spite of joining a gym, I have actually managed to PUT on weight. So I decided that Akshay was right (blast him) and I need to go on a diet.


I am pretty famous for falling off the wagon so I thought that if I blog about it (honestly) I might have a chance to actually DO IT.

So starting from today, Project Thin Karishma starts!

(Wish me luck!)

Goa: The Next (Happier) Chapter

After recovering from relief, strain and sheer back-breaking hard work, my birthday was fast approaching.


Akshay was to have come over around the end of March for a week or so. But at the last moment, as usual, his manager upped and decided that someone else applied for leave first. Or something to that effect. I was of course furious, but completely impotent.

Anyhow, he was moving back to Pune on the 4th, and I would have joined him there on the 6th morning, so I shrugged my shoulders and moved on. One of my oldest friends was flying in to Goa to spend my birthday with me, so I had that to look forward to.

This particular friend of mine and I go way back. I have known her since we were tiny little toddlers of 5. And boy, were we tiny. We lost touch in between, after we both left Dubai, but thanks to the wonder that is Facebook, long lost friends were reunited once more.

So she was dropping in at home for the weekend. Since she was working late on 3rd, she couldn't get in till the 4th morning, so I spent my birthday with my family.

It was wonderful.

My family consists of my parents and my aunt. All above 55 years old, so not exactly the party-till-wee-hours type of characters. Maybe this will sound very boring, but my birthday celebrations started from the 2nd.

We drove out after my father came home from work (with my delicious birthday cake) and had Kalmi kebabs at a roadside joint. Absolutely fabulous stuff. Decided to drive back home, and played cards for a while. My dad went off to bed, with instructions to be woken up at 12. (Yeah, like my mother was going to let him sleep!)

All this must sound horribly boring, but add in my father's silly antics, my constant stream of one-liners and my mother's and aunt's helpless laughter and the result is a pretty fun evening. There were gales of laughter as my father and I locked horns in a battle of wits, and I must confess I won, merely because I can imitate him to perfection. It was lovely.

I got calls and messages from friends, around 12. The one voice I wanted to hear told me he was coming on the 4th morning; a completely unexpected surprise.

I also got a call from my ex. Completely out of the blue, I didn't even recognise his voice. WE talked for a while, and it was nice. Cleared up a lot of issues, and while that didn't matter much, it was pleasant. I suppose we can be civil. No feelings after all.

(Don't think Akshay was too thrilled about it though. Can't really blame him.)

Next installment in a few days.

Goa: The First Few Days

Finally a post about what I did in Goa. Bet you have been on the edge of your seats. No? Alright, I'm still going to tell you in any case.


As you know, I reached Goa with my aunt on the 21st. It was a gruelling 18 hour drive, with my silly dog planted firmly in my lap the whole time.

I don't think I have ever been quite as relieved as when we reached home, and I saw the much-beloved faces of my parents. They were equally relieved to see me, as the incidents that transpired over those three days were worrisome to say the least.

The relief was so great that even though I hadn't slept in three days, I was on a complete high. Since it was Sunday, we decided to go food shopping. (Remind me to give you the full story of Ooty. It really was something else. Not in a good way.)

After coming home, we showered, got our things in an orderly pile and promptly crashed. Although they weren't there, my parents had worn themselves out with worry and tension. So they crashed too.

A few days later, my aunt's stuff came; an incident I really wish I could forget. Anyway, we decided to unpack over the course of a few days. The entire shipment was hauled up two flights of stairs, some by yours truly. And there it sat till we decided to unpack it.

Unpacking took days. We unpacked each carton, and uncovered some unpleasant surprises. (Click on link above.) But we managed, the three women. I spent three days either standing atop a plastic stool perched on a slightly wider (and when I mean 'slightly', I mean 3 cms to spare on each side) side table, or running up and down the stairs carrying loads of stuff to be put away in various parts of the house.

We did it though. And we patted ourselves on the back after that.

Stay tuned for more Goan adventures.

Banned songs and further reflections

Remember last year's Aaja Nachle? Madhuri Dixit's comeback movie? I loved it.


Because I love Madhuri of course. (Please stop stoning my house.)

And she dances like a dream.

The title track was axed because of some controversy with the lyrics. I think one line was deemed offensive to Dalits (one of the castes in Hindu society) and the whole song was ripped out of the movie.

It is such a wanton waste, considering that woman is grace personified when dancing, and that song was the coup de grace of the movie.

See for yourself:


Frankly, the caste system has butchered our country and our religion. Initially, the upper castes forgot that it was a division of labour and not a merit badge obtained at birth. When the lower castes decided to protest, there were terrible repercussions, no doubt. But by and by, they managed to hold their own.

However, now while the majority of educated society (albeit not a large chunk of India) doesn't even consider castes, the so-called lower castes are manipulating their position as the 'down-trodden' to muscle in on more and more favours. There was the medical reservations of a few years ago.

Anyway, this isn't a rant by any means. Just pondering. I suppose I have no caste as such, being of mixed parentage. I really don't care. My pedigree is not defined by what my caste could or could not have been, but more the heritage of goodness that has been handed down by my family.

I am content. Plus I love Madhuri. And kathak - which I hope to start again some time soon.

A Leaky Faucet

(Have I been reading too many classics lately?)


Perhaps.

Anyway, possibly one of my biggest pet peeves is the waste of water. It can take many forms: a leaky tap with no bucket under it, or wanton overflow from an overhead tank.

The inspiration for this rant comes from a water tank located in Goa. My parents are staying in a house that is a part of a large society. Luckily the tenants of the houses have their own water tanks, so when the water decides to do a disappearing act, we still have the tank supply to bear us out.

(I am still unclear as to whether the supply runs out because the municipality turns off the supply, or the fiendish individuals who are in charge in the society.)

(I can't believe I actually used 'fiendish' in a blog post. I am so full of it, aren't I?)

There is a block of flats bang opposite the house, and daily there is an overflow from the water tank. Water cascades from the top of the building, only to come crashing down uselessly onto the paved surface. There isn't even the saving grace of a plant bed or a few trees to absorb the precious fluid.

Before my comments are bombarded with admonishments to get off my ass and do something about it, let me tell you, we have tried.

Firstly, my mother has raked the fiendish individual mentioned before, fore and aft. All that is required is a replacement to the valves, and the water will fill the tanks without spilling a drop. (Ok, that maybe an exaggeration.) The guy, delighting in the name Anwar, refuses to do anything about it. He even had the gall to tell my mother to cease watering the garden because of a water crunch.

Sometimes, I don't really appreciate my mother's aggressive streak, but I am so pleased that she wiped the floor with this particular specimen. He slunk away, tail between his legs, the weaselly man that he is. Subsequently, he deals with just my father, and steers clear of the militant female members of the house.

And the second thing is that there is no one to complain to - we tried the security guards. Their vapid responses echoed each other, "How will we know when the tank is filled, if there is no overflow?"

Huh?!?!

(My loquaciousness failed me when I heard that for the first time.)

All we do now, is watch in helpless fury as the water continues to cascade every single day. I am open to suggestions, as to how to right this atrocity so don't hold back.

(I've even considered putting a tub of some sort to catch the water, but falling from such a height, I doubt the tub would be able to withstand the force.)

I hate it when water is wasted. HATE IT. It generates feelings of boiling rage, especially since I know how important water is for day to day survival.

Back in I2IT, I have lived for a month, along with my fellow hostelmates, with water in taps for a mere hour every morning. We had to brush our teeth, have baths, use the bathrooms, and wash clothes in a matter of an hour. We kept buckets filled in the bathrooms for the other times of the day that we would need to wash our hands or use the toilets. So best to finish off as much as humanly feasible during that one hour. I was lucky enough to have only one roommate. Imagine the poor sods who had two or three others. (The rooms were huge, so that wasn't a hardship.)

Living without clean water for one day is incomprehensible. Those who don't value this precious resource should try it.

Yes, I really care that much.

4-day Birthday

I have lots to blog about, so stay tuned for the next few days.


By the way, I apologise for the sheer grossness and vapid silliness of this post. I'm sorry, but not sorry enough to take it down.

Back to the events of the last few days.. I will be doing these in some of order, something which has not been established yet, so be prepared for randomness.

So, since 3rd was my birthday, I was staying with my parents, and I am somewhat of an important personage in the house, the festivities (if they can be called that) started on the 2nd. I know, lucky me! Right?

Right.

So like I said, stay tuned.

(What? You thought I was going to type all of that out in this post?)


Proximity in Relationships

Akshay was talking about being joined at the hip can't possibly engender a healthy and happy relationship. 


(I agree with him of course. What? Why so surprised?)

I think the foundation to any relationship is the ability to understand that the needs of the other person. If that is space, I reckon space is then essential. 

I love spending every waking second with Akshay. I love being with him, eating with him, going out with him, chatting with him, among the many million things that I could do by his side. 

Yet I need my space for sure. 

I've always been terrified of losing my individual identity, and while that fear no longer exists, the associated behaviours have become entrenched in my psyche. 

For example, I need my home to look a certain way. With Akshay around, it just doesn't happen. So I am happy when he is in the bathroom or at work, where I can straighten things out. Or, cook to the extent I want. 

Akshay and I have been together for almost two years. At our age that may seem like a substantial commitment, but in the long consideration, it isn't. We are still in a fledgling relationship, needing the boost and the nurture that it currently receives. 

Our relationship needs the cloying tenderness. And I adore it. But I'm sure at some point, we are both going to decide that we don't need the tenderness to express love. Right now I feel the need to be with him constantly, so I reckon that time isn't imminent. 

Do check out his blog as well. I hope he does continue to write because he has some great opinions. He can be a very mature (when not with me) person. Fingers crossed.